Hey, Eve, for starters, I really do think it's cool that you and Rain are making a point to defend Violet. It's nice to see any example of somebody having a friend (or a friend of a friend) who'll step up and try to counter things that are said about them, no matter who's saying them.

But I have to ask, when you say “I sincerely believe that in the 21st century, calling a man a misogynist is as offensive as calling a woman a whore” and later “And accusing someone of being complicit in misogyny just makes my blood boil,” well, what do we call it, then, when someone (they don’t have to be a man, as you pointed out in your previous post!) is shitty to, hates on, dismisses, or is otherwise discriminatory to women?

If the term “misogynist” is out, are “racist” and “homophobe” out? Do they make your blood boil, too?
[...]
Or we can call it out for what it is — and the word I know it by is “misogyny.” So what word should I be using to keep your blood at a comfortable temp? Because I’m going to keep on calling racism, homophobia, misogyny, and the overuse of mangos in salsa out when I see it, but I don’t want you to go all teakettle on us.
The sarcasm's appreciated, but the word you're looking for is indeed "misogyny."

If somebody's shitty to, hates on, dismisses or is otherwise discriminatory to a woman, you could call him any number of names depending on the situation. He could be saying things that are racist, xenophobic, homophobic, or just rude. And he could even be a racist, xenophobe, or homophobe, or just an asshole.

If somebody's shitty to, dismissive, or discriminatory towards a woman because she's a woman, then that's misogynist. Being rude to a woman, especially a high profile woman, isn't automatically misogyny.

That's not just me trying to be cute, either, or arguing semantics. It's a crucial part of what I'm trying to say. I think the accusation of misogyny gets thrown around too often and too casually, and I want people to stop and think about what they're accusing someone of.

For some reason, that's always equated with trying to brushing off the problem of misogyny, or saying that "we've grown past it! Yay!" To which I respond: "For fuck's sake! Shut up!" Because like I said, temper.

Or else, people are comfortable (I'm assuming) with making the accusation because they consider it a teachable moment — they're not calling you a name by saying you're a crypto- or blatant misogynist, they're simply trying to educate you. "You just don't understand how offensive it is to assume a woman doesn't know what she's doing, or to call her a whore." To which I don't respond, because by that point I've gone into apoplexy.

And yes, again, I'm making a distinction between men and women here, because it is undeniably worse to call a man sexist or misogynist than it is to call a woman that. Not fair, but there it is. And there are lots of men, myself included, for whom it's incredibly offensive to be making such accusations, or to accuse of being complicit in it. If you've got evidence to back it up — and yes, calling a woman a whore on twitter just for something she wrote is ample evidence — then yes, call it for what it is. But when someone's saying something that you think is rude or dismissive, and you don't have real evidence that it's motivated by misogyny, then you just have to settle for calling him an asshole.

As for bringing racism and homophobia into it again: yes, if somebody were being unfairly accused of being homophobic just for criticizing a homosexual, when there's no evidence that the person was actually homophobic, then I'd call it out. I'm not just making shit up; I've done it. (Albeit on a message board instead of anywhere high profile). If it's wrong for one, it's wrong for anybody. And yeah, I do resent it when anybody implies that I'm making an exception for stuff that directly affects me.

Try a roughly analogous hypothetical: you post a link to this on the Appeal or somewhere, quoting sections of it in full context, along with an explanation of what you think is wrong with it. I get dozens or maybe hundreds of messages from people in the city and elsewhere, dragging in whatever they've got from past grudges against me, occasionally making death threats and nasty messages. In response, I post a tirade saying that Eve Batey is a notorious homophobe who's sent her minions on an unwarranted attack against me. And "As we all know, homosexuals are outsiders in San Francisco culture." For evidence as to why I called you out, I say "Are you denying that institutionalized homophobia exists? This person on Twitter called me a faggot!" My post could be instantly and unceremoniously dismissed, and I'd deserve to be mocked. It'd have nothing to do with my being a homo.

And thanks for the links explaining the registered trademark; it's good to know. Like I said, I made an incorrect assumption without doing any fact checking and it turned out not to be relevant anyway. I read that article, but I'm wary of reading much more. I'm still taking advantage of knowing nothing more than "that person who used to write for Boing Boing and is friends with a few of my friends." Because I want to keep all the grudges and baggage and personal attacks out of it and keep it clear that I'm responding to the posts in question and those posts only.