Farm Girl Has Weird Dream

I am helpless to resist an engagement-bait game on social media, so I was an easy mark once I started seeing posts in response to the prompt “Describe Your Favorite Movie As Boring As Possible.”

The problem is that once I started, I found that they were annoyingly fun to write, and I couldn’t stop making more of them. So here are some (including never-before-seen-on-Bluesky entries) for posterity. I don’t think any are all that obscure, but in any case, solutions are at the bottom of the post.

1. Professor takes extended leave from his day job to drag his ex-girlfriend around looking for a box buried in the desert.
2. Photographer with a broken leg sits in his apartment and watches his neighbors.
3. Irish gambling addict doesn’t shoot someone in the woods.
4. Young man spends months with his personal trainer, while one of his best friends is miles away, making out with his sister and hanging out with his dad.
5. A young woman who just started a new job has to ask a doctor for help finding someone who makes bespoke women’s clothing.
6. A truck driver gets his rig stuck in an alley in San Francisco and has to spend all night trying to get it out.
7. A bunch of co-workers start getting suspicious of each other after a dog shows up at their workplace.
8. A stubborn teenager gets an old man’s help finding a guy who used to work for her dad.
9. Young man needs a ton of help getting rid of his uncle’s stolen jewelry.
10. A man goes on a road trip with an angry woman and a bunch of her friends, and then they all decide to turn around and go back to where they started.
11. Marine biologist takes his employees and family along on his mid-life crisis.
12. Residents of an undeveloped area on the outskirts of Tokyo protest new construction.
13. British pilot has to go to court after his plane is shot down.
14. Two brothers open a popular nightclub that refuses to admit a group of white musicians.
15. A wealthy San Francisco woman takes a gift to the home town of a guy she’s crushing on, to find that almost all of the town’s residents really hate her.
16. A rich family doesn’t like their recently-deceased father’s nurse.
17. A wealthy Hollywood actor accepts new industry-changing technology as “inevitable” and decides he’s got to embrace it or be left behind.
18. Embezzler checks into motel.
19. After an extended leave of absence, a dock worker travels to an abandoned residential site and has issues with the single mother trying to raise her family there.
20. A recent immigrant to the US finds herself living with a host family she doesn’t like.

One kind-of-interesting thing I realized when writing these is how many of my favorite movies have the same thing in common: the most boring description of the premise of the movie is the actual premise of the movie.

1. A screenwriter struggles with his adaptation of a book about people who grow orchids.
2. An LA small business owner with a boring life has trouble filing her taxes.
3. A group of women in Oakland shoplift clothing and sell it at a discount.
4. It’s like Star Wars, but everybody’s got different names and there are prominent non-white characters.
5. A bear goes to London.
6. An ex pilot has to take over for people who got sick from eating fish.
7. A live-streamer spends the night in an abandoned house.
8. Truck drivers enjoy ramen.
9. Three annoying young filmmakers get lost in the woods.
10. A man takes his dog to his grandfather’s house and the dog is afraid of everything.

Solutions if you need ’em

These are all in ROT13 format.

1. Envqref bs gur Ybfg Nex
2. Erne Jvaqbj
3. Zvyyre’f Pebffvat
4. Gur Rzcver Fgevxrf Onpx
5. Gur Fvyrapr bs gur Ynzof
6. Ovt Gebhoyr va Yvggyr Puvan
7. Gur Guvat
8. Gehr Tevg
9. Gur Ybeq bs gur Evatf
10. Znq Znk: Shel Ebnq
11. Gur Yvsr Ndhngvp jvgu Fgrir Mvffbh
12. Cbz Cbxb
13. N Znggre bs Yvsr naq Qrngu
14. Fvaaref
15. Gur Oveqf
16. Xavirf Bhg
17. Fvatva’ va gur Enva
18. Cflpub
19. Nyvraf
20. Becuna: Svefg Xvyy

1. Nqncgnvba
2. Rirelguvat Rireljurer Nyy Ng Bapr
3. V Ybir Obbfgref
4. Gur Sbepr Njnxraf
5. Cnqqvatgba
6. Nvecynar! naq Mreb Ubhe
7. Qrnqfgernz
8. Gnzcbcb
9. Gur Oynve Jvgpu Cebwrpg
10. Tbbq Obl